Would I, Could I, Should I Let a Relationship of Five Years be Destroyed Over a Tree?

Trust is a hard thing to rebuild once it's lost. Especially if it involves a deep hurt. Can I get an amen out there? Have you ever been hurt by someone or something? Have you ever trusted someone just to have them let you down?

My relationship with my next-door neighbor was one built on trust and actions. When he first moved in there were the traditional hellos but then the relationship began to grow deeper. My new friend and I spent many days talking during my work breaks or lunches.

He offered to help me carry in groceries on more than one occasion. He has been one of the few who has seen the disaster inside my house. Yet, he never judges. I watch his home when he travels. He watched my new rescue puppy, even keeping her overnight when my parents were ill, and I could not take care of her.

My neighbor has driven me home from the hospital when I had to be admitted. He drove my fur baby to the emergency clinic. He drove me to my nuclear cardiac stress test and stayed with me. He knows he can call on me for help and I know I can call on him for help.

My neighbor is more than just a neighbor but a close friend with whom I have shared my hurts, anger, pain, and frustration. He always asks how I am doing and how my parents are. I ask how he is doing and how his mother is doing. It is a relationship that has grown over five years. Then the tree happened.

My next-door neighbor is not responsible for what the backyard neighbor did to my tree. It is not his fault that he ended up with a migraine that day after he assured me that he would make sure they did not cut off more than he wanted on his side.

Things happen in this life and the fact is, everything happened according to God’s will. His good and perfect will. This is a fact and sometimes facts are hard to accept. God can use everything in our lives to change us, grow us, and mold us into His image if we let Him.

Sure, that should make us feel better, but we are human. So, we hurt, we get angry, depressed, rant, rave, and retreat. My issue is about a tree. A tree that meant life to me. But there are those of you out there that have suffered far worse injustices.

Maybe you have suffered from the actions of the drunk driver. Maybe you are a drunk driver. Then there are those of you who have experienced a shooting or murder in your life. Maybe a woman stole your husband, or a man stole your wife. It could be as simple as someone stealing your bicycle. All are examples of loss. All are examples of suffering of some sort. You feel betrayed or let down.

I have been feeling betrayed. Lied too. Disillusioned in my thoughts about how I viewed the relationship with my neighbor. I thought we were closer. That we were watching out for one another. Or was he? I had been feeling angry and hurt toward my neighbor. Someone I had viewed as a close friend in a growing relationship of five years. Was I wrong?

Let me be very clear about something. What I am experiencing is my issue and mine alone. This is something that I am going to have to work through. Me, and me alone.

The enemy can make you think all kinds of things if you let him. Yes, I am talking about satan. I have no doubt he was at work here. Here I am trying to take care of two elderly and ill parents, caring and managing a house by myself, finances for my parents and myself, working full time and getting ready to finish grad school.

Throw COVID on top of all that with a years’ worth of lockdown until we were all vaccinated and now the emergence of the deadly variant with the realization that we are not as safe as we thought. Add a willing and evil backyard neighbor, ready to do satan’s bidding, striking at something that means life to me, and you have the perfect storm. It was more than a storm, it was a raging hurricane of epic proportion in my life. And it took me out. At least for a while.

It took me a couple of days, but I called my next-door neighbor and then went and talked with him. Later shared my thoughts and how I was feeling. I don’t blame him but it is going to take some time for me to work through the intense feelings that I have experienced through this whole event.

When Jesus was walking among us, He too, experienced intense feelings. Don’t believe me? What about when He was in the temple and became so enraged that He turned over the tables (John 2:13-16)? How about when He raised Lazarus from the tomb? He was weeping (John 11:35).

Only a fraction of what Jesus did, say, and emotionally displayed while on earth is in the Bible. But it is enough to show us that Jesus is an emotional entity. Don’t forget, man is made in the image of God. God is quite aware of how emotional we can be and how emotions drive us, in both good and bad directions. We need to be aware of that too.

Ephesians 4: 26 warns us not to sin in our anger, yet how many times do we? Just think about that for a second. How often do you fly off the handle at a moment's notice? Or how about that slow drawn-out, built-up anger that finally explodes on someone?

Don’t bother saying, “well, I have never.” We all fall short of the glory of God. We all sin. If we were not sinners, we would not need Jesus. But what about when we are hurt emotionally? When we lose our trust in someone? When our expectations about a relationship are more than reality?

Learning to Trust Again

God does not expect us to get over what happens to us within seconds. But He did give us His Word to help us cope, understand, seek solace, and hope in Him. We have enemies out there. The devil seeks to destroy us (1 Peter 5:8) and he will use any person, activity, and weakness (on our part or others) to succeed at bringing us down. This is a fact. This is reality at its hardest.

But you might be saying, “Janet, this is just over a tree!” No, not to me. I have been a nurse for a very long time. I have always been in love with animals and mother earth. To me, this is personal. To me, this is my reality.

I do not believe God would want me to throw away a five-year friendship with my next-door neighbor over a tree. Especially since he was just as much of a victim as I was. But I have to tell you, this is hard.

We are called to turn the other cheek and walk an extra mile, but this really played with my mind. For days I thought the worst of my neighbor. I wondered how he could betray me. Yet, he never had. That was satan and my own imagination thinking the worst.

It is up to me to work through these feelings and the aftermath of all that has happened. Healing will only come through prayer, God’s grace, and taking active steps toward rebuilding the relationship as it once was in my mind. This will take time.

I have already begun the process of reconnecting with my next-door neighbor. We have talked several times and shared concerns and laughs. He is aware of my next steps regarding the tree, which for certain purposes, I will not share here at this time.

My next-door neighbor is still my friend and always was, despite the tricks of satan and the evil he unleashed towards me, attacking me in a vulnerable area, my mind and my feelings for a friend. You have failed satan. Yes, I wobbled and fell into a pit for some time, but I am climbing out of it. Regrouping and healing.

Meanwhile, I have graduated from the DMin program at Liberty. What is next for me now that I have graduated with my DMin? What is it satan, that you are so afraid of? What you have put me through just makes me want to know even more what God has in store for me. I can't wait to see everything that comes from this. The people I am meeting and the connections being built with every person I meet as I go through the next steps with this attempted assassination of my tree.

We are called to protect our minds and guard our hearts (Proverbs 4:23). I cannot begin to tell you how important it is to do this, especially for anyone working toward building your relationship with Jesus. You have a bullseye on you.

It’s simple things that can cause havoc in the life of a believer. Sometimes, they are not so simple. But they are designed to take you out by the enemy. Other times, challenges and life events are meant to grow and shape us.

We choose how we respond to these challenges, these life events. Sometimes we choose the right response and other times we do not. When you fail, and you will don’t beat yourself up over it. I’m not saying to give yourself a free pass and just shake it off saying, “God forgives me.” No. Learn from it. Grow from it. Give it to God, and rest in Him, for He already knew the outcome of whatever you have faced and what is in your future. This is the reality of spiritual formation.

Peace,

Janet