When Everything Else Fades Away

Have you ever had that moment where you experience an event or hear such news that everything else just fades away from site and nothing matters but that one person or persons? A breathtaking event. An event where time stands still. A time where you find yourself catching your breath as it staggers in and out of your body?

It's a time when all the value that you placed on material objects fade. Nothing matters anymore in that moment. It’s a moment that is so hard to describe, so hard to comprehend, that you truly do not understand it until you have experienced it yourself?

It really is a unique moment. Most people will experience it sometime in their life, if they have someone that they love. It is something that is experienced when you are truly in that moment, as the intense and vast feeling passes as time goes on. It sometimes becomes surreal or unrealistic, never to be grasped again until you experience it all over again.

It is a moment in time where you truly come to find out what or who you love. What matters most to you. It is a defining moment of values and priorities. It is a place where you truly see your level of love for a person.

For each one of us it is different. Sometimes it is simply receiving bad or unbelievable news that will result in a painful loss. For others it is discovering the loss of someone in their life. Either way, it is a defining moment in one’s life that changes everything at that moment. Nothing is ever the same.

I had one of those moments the other day and I did not like it. I talk as if it is just a moment in time but in truth, its not just a moment in time. No. It could be a moment, an hour, a day, or a season that turns life around, that turns us around. One that grows us and transforms us.

It’s a time when reality comes crashing in, disturbing our perfect or imperfect world. There is no stopping what has come or about to come. It is the moment when you step into a path of pain. It is the time when a person comes to realize the true meaning of love and loss.

I took my parents to their cardiology follow up. Both had heart echoes done. Dad and I were both prepared for a conversation about mom needing an aortic valve transplant. We have all known for some time that there was a problem there. We also have noticed mom having more trouble breathing over the past couple of months. What we were not prepared for was what the cardiologist had to say about another problem.

During the conversation, the doctor talked about mom’s heart valve and whether or not she would want surgery. Mom said no. Sometimes she changes her mind back and forth, so we continued on with the conversation. The heart doctor is not familiar with mom frequently changing her mind, so he took her answer as a definite no. But I drove the conversation onward.

He mentioned several times that the surgery would be very high risk. I asked about going through her groin and if that option was available. He said yes and again said she would be very high risk due to her kidney issue and her high pulmonary artery pressures. This was something I did not expect to hear.

Mom has had pulmonary hypertension for years but never was it made an issue. Until today. The heart doctor said her pulmonary artery pressure (PAP) was around 90 and very high. Normal is 11-25mm. I sat there stunned. Worse, the doctor offered no treatment or referral. I took mom and dad out to the car and we sat there in shock. At least dad and I did. Mom did not quite understand. I asked her, “Mom, did you understand what the doctor said to you?” Mom replied, “Yes, the surgery is high risk.” Mom did not understand about the PAP being high and the seriousness of the matter.

You can google the disease state if you desire. You might even know someone with pulmonary hypertension. What you will find is that it is a rare disorder of unknown cause. There are guesses about it. It can even be genetic. But there is one thing about it for certain. There is no cure, only treatment. Even then, the prognosis is not good.

My mind swirled as I drove them home. I stopped and got them something to eat. Had them change clothes as a COVID precaution and threw the clothes in the wash. They ate their meal and I put them in bed to rest. I tried to go back to work but I sat in shock.

During the drive home, the feelings began to set in. Nothing mattered. My cars did not matter. My home did not matter. The Christmas gifts that I bought for them or myself no longer mattered. Nothing mattered except my mom.

I had never experienced such a feeling. I no longer cared if I ate healthy, despite my own heart issues. I only cared about the fact that I just heard very bad news about my mom’s health. Everything else was meaningless.

I found myself paying more attention, than usual, to my mom. Making sure she was comfortable. Using soothing tones instead of barking orders or responses. Everything had changed in that moment. A clock was ticking, and it was louder than ever.

Has this happened to you? Have you ever gotten bad news about someone you love or loved? I have imagined what it would be like to lose a parent. The feeling of not being able to breathe, the gut sinking feeling of knowing one of them were gone. The lostness of no longer seeing that person in their bed or chair. I have to say, I grew up in that moment of time when I began to process what the heart doctor said. I went and am going through an unpleasant transformation that comes from loss and pain.

I sit here and imagine how God must have felt, knowing the plan for His Son the entire time. He sends Him to earth. He watches Jesus grow up, experiencing the world as we do. God watches how the world treats His Son. And He watches everything that Jesus went through up until the time He died on the cross for us.

How many times did God hold His breath? How many tears did He shed while He watched His Son suffer? I can only imagine how it took every ounce of His omnipresence to not snatch Him away and keep Jesus from going through such suffering for us. Even though it was God’s plan, and He planned the ending, He still had to go through the suffering with His Son. The loss and the pain so great the earth shuddered and the veil tore from Heaven downward to Earth. God gave His only Son for us (John 3:16).

If we experience such a loss as a parent or child, how much more did God experience? Losing a parent, child, brother, sister, spouse, or friend is painful beyond words. There is a void, a loss, that can never be filled. Only time and God’s grace helps us to recover.

God suffered so much more than us when He sent His Son to Earth. Jesus gave everything that He had for us, suffering great pain. What I felt was not small and I do not want to experience that again. Yet, I know there is much more loss and suffering yet to come in my life.

I am thankful for the experience that Jesus gave me that day at the heart doctors office. It makes me appreciate my parents and the time that I have left with them so much more. I look at things differently. My job is not what is important. My home, car, or belongings. No, it is my parent’s that are important. It is spending time with them and keeping them as comfortable as possible that is important.

The world and all my possessions faded away. What was important to me was revealed. Yes, we say we love someone but when they are gone or you find out that their time is about to end sooner than you thought, things change. You change. What you really value shines through.

Where are your values? What is important to you? Maybe you have lost someone and can identify. Please comment and let me know.

We are about to celebrate the birth of Jesus in just a few short days. Is Jesus your priority? Or have other things taken first place? Don’t wait until it’s too late. Tell those you love how you feel. Spend time with them while you can. It’s all gone before you know it. Most importantly, be sure to connect with your heavenly father and thank Him for everything He has given you.

Peace,

Janet