Can Transformation Really Mess You Up this Bad?

The Summer of 2015

Scheduling Counselor: Okay, we have you signed up for Formation I for your first course. It will last two semesters but its only worth 3 credit hours.

Me: Formation what? Wait, it lasts all year and its only worth 3 credit hours????

Counselor: Formation One. Every seminary student goes through two and a half years of formation.

Me: What is that?

Counselor: What is what?

Me: What is this formation class? I am coming to seminary to earn my MDIV.

Counselor: Yes, you will earn your MDIV, but formation classes are part of the curriculum. You’ll enjoy it. You will be in cohort groups with others who are going through the seminary process with you.

Me: You still didn’t say what it’s about.

Counselor: Well, its hard to explain. Each year is different. You’ll find out when you start classes.

Now

And there it was, the start of an exceptionally long, hard, and treacherous three years. My three years in formation classes led me down a very dark path. A path that I do not like to admit to but for the sake of others, I share so that anyone else going through such challenging spiritual times, know they are not alone. Formation was short for spiritual formation. Some may refer to it as transformation, as spiritual formation is the process of transforming into the image of Jesus. Not everyone has a hard time with the formation classes. I believe it may have to do with what God wants to do inside and through a person, but it also has to do with how much effort (or how willing) a person is to experience the process.

Formation classes were designed to help the student identify areas in their life that may need improvement or addressed prior to entering ministry. The formation classes were designed to allow the student to identify who they are in Christ, their calling, and how to grow closer in their relationship with Jesus. The process of spiritual formation is not mentioned in the Bible, but it is demonstrated by Jesus and championed by the Apostle Paul throughout his epistles. Spiritual formation is an expectation as believers are to grow into the image of Christ, to be “transformed” into His image. It is a process of growth and revelation; a process led by the Holy Spirit and it involves revelation and change.

Personally, I don’t handle change well. I am not good at conflict either. I know that I can have an attitude, a huge attitude. Then there is my anger problem. Neither of these help the change process. These admissions may surprise some who know me. Others have felt my sting and wrath when a button gets pushed or if I am put into a “situation.” Some may be shocked to hear me say such things but what I have said is the truth. I have issues just like everyone else on this planet. But despite my issues, I am loved by God. Despite all my faults, He loves me too much to let me be. Even when I was in the heat of spiritual warfare and ready to walk away from everything, He was silently there, watching and waiting.

I say these things so that others reading this blog can come to the reality that people are flawed, we have issues, and we do things that are not Christian. It is part of who we are, humans living in a fallen world. The beautiful thing in our flaws is that God does not want to leave us in our imperfect, hurtful, and wounded state.

He desires more for us. He desires that we transform into the image of Jesus. We cannot do that transformation, only God can, and He does it through working in and through us by the work of the Holy Spirit. It is a process called spiritual formation. When we say yes to Jesus, we become God’s children and enter into a journey of transformation. Unlike salvation, which is instantaneous, spiritual formation occurs over the life of the believer. Spiritual formation is the process of turning into the image of Christ.

The level of transformation a believer attains is based upon their willingness to allow Jesus into their heart and letting the Holy Spirit work in them and through them to develop and experience true change into the image of Christ. Not all believers work toward spiritual transformation.

Don’t allow the word transformation to unnerve you or scare you. We are all being transformed every day in our normal lives. Often, it is what the believer allows to transform them that shapes their life. For the most part, we choose what transforms us. But things happen to us that impact our transformation, things we have no control over. Have you ever had something unexpected happen to you? Maybe you were in a car accident? You hurt yourself playing sports, ending a budding career? A family member dies unexpectant? We can’t control everything that happens in our life, but we can control how we respond to the event.

Not everyone chooses to grow in their spirituality. Many accept Jesus and quietly sit in a pew or chair. Others may participate in a few church gatherings and fellowship with others. But a few people step out of the church box and seek God in a deeper way than is often taught in church. They actively seek Jesus and desire to grow into His image. It is our choice; do we choose the world or do we choose God.

The reality is, spiritual formation can be fun, it can be beautiful, and it can be revealing. But it can also be messy, and painful as our darkest secrets and hidden agendas rise into the light. True spiritual formation is a journey for the most part, walked alone. But it is also a journey walked with God, walked with others, and experienced within the Triune God.

Formation One

Course Description: This course is designed to assist students in the continued understanding of self and call through covenantal community, field education and the practice of spiritual disciplines. Students will develop a personal rule of life, explore Covenant Discipleship, and develop personal, professional, and spiritual goals for greater ministry acuity.

My eyes slowly glanced over the syllabus. I remember thinking, this is not good. The assignments included things such as a spiritual call and an autobiography paper to be shared with my cohort group, a vocation discernment paper, a vulnerability discussion, and the development of a “rule of life.” Then there was the tracing of one’s family tree, identifying any personality traits/major events that may have shaped our lives. Add to that the weekly reflection papers to be read by our mentors, stick a fork in me, I felt done before the class even started.

Weekly reflection papers, papers where we share what is going on in our spiritual and physical lives. Nope, this didn’t look good at all. I already knew my calling. I was already in ministry. Why did I need to examine it and me? It was pretty clear in my book. I knew what my future held, to pastor a church. But things are not always what they seem, especially in spiritual formation.

Reflecting Back

Formation one “rocked” my world and not in a good way. I had never heard of “spiritual formation” in my denomination. I struggled with the terminology and concept of formation through my three seminary years of it. It was only after I was knee deep in a spiritual warfare that I began to grasp what was happening to me. It was ugly and dark. It was reality unfolding in front of my face. Every sinew of my being was being torn away from my beliefs, my thoughts, my ideas, my expectations, and my righteousness. It was a time of revelation that occurred multiple times. Through the process, I discovered my forgotten past and how it affected me. I had to come to accept the wounded person my past left behind. It was not pretty and opened some very deep scars long forgotten, and that was just year one.

But there were also beautiful moments during my formation years, times I experienced with God. Spiritual formation is not all doom and gloom. Mine just happened to be pretty intense. The fact is, spiritual formation is different for everyone. No two people will experience it in the same way. Yes, we have similar experiences that we can share with one another but each of us is unique and have a unique connection with God. It is that unique connection that you have with your Creator that makes your journey special, yours alone to walk with the God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. It is a journey done in the private times with God, when in community with others, and within the world you live.

Formation happens to everyone. Every day we are being formed spiritually, physically, and mentally. This is not a new concept, it’s just that most people don’t focus on “formation.” For most of us, life happens, shaping and molding us without much thought to what the outcome will be.

We become a product of what we allow ourselves to experience and how we respond to it. What is the “it”? The “it” is everything that comes into contact with us on a moment-by-moment basis. We casually watch TV and see a barrage of commercials. It affects our senses (our vision and hearing) and forms an image in our minds, a memory. Commercials leave an impression on us in some way (good, bad, or indifferent) when we watch them. Either way, the event has changed us.

We experience a life event such as a birth of a child or receiving a promotion, reward, or graduating from college and a transformation occurs. The event shapes us, transforming us into something new, never being able to go back to who we once were.

Unwanted events also affect us. We don’t want to experience the “it,” but it happens anyway. A parent dies, we may be in a car accident, a house fire takes away our home. It is an unwanted event that forever shapes and molds us into something new and different. We become transformed by the event.

Our spiritual lives are being shaped everyday by what we experience and how we respond. Did we pray today? Did we read our Bible? Did we choose to watch an “R” rated film? Everything that we come into contact with and every decision that we make on a daily basis is transforming us spiritually, physically, and emotionally.

Consider a body builder. A body builder watches their diet, lifts weights to build muscle, and observes a transformation in their body and mind. The same happens to us spiritually when we pick up the Bible and read God’s Word, spend time in prayer, observe and think about our comments before responding to others, monitor who we spend time with, and what we allow into our minds.

Actions used to grow in spiritual formation are called spiritual disciplines. Just as a body builder uses disciplines to transform their body, Christians need to use spiritual disciplines to grow into the image of Christ. Some believers choose to practice spiritual disciplines, and some do not.

Spiritual transformation is a process. We decide if we wish to grow spiritually. It is our choice as God does not force Himself on us. This begs the question, “Where are you in your spiritual growth?” You’re reading this blog. Did you stop by here by accident? Did you find this site in a Google search? What were you looking for or expecting when you read this blog?

It’s not by accident that you are here. There are no accidents with God. Everything is God ordained and happens according to His Will and timing. What will you do now? Will you come back for more or go on your way? Drop me a line. Let me know what brought you here today.

Peace,

Janet